Why I only commit to doing one thing each day.

My second son was about 4 weeks old. My first son was 15 months old. My husband had been back to work for 2 weeks and I was home on maternity leave. We had just put the kids to bed. I melted into the couch and bawled my eyes out. My husband gave me a few minutes to cry and when I calmed enough, he asked “What’s going on?” 

“I’m failing,” I replied. “I’m a terrible mother and a terrible wife. The house is a mess. I didn’t cook dinner. The laundry is piling up. I don’t think I was cut out for this.” We had our first two children 14 months apart. This was planned. But holy crap I had no idea how hard it would be to have a newborn plus a newly walking/running/getting into everything toddler. They were on completely opposite schedules and I was exclusively pumping for the baby, which was a full time job in itself. It was hard to juggle. Then add the household chores and it was basically impossible.

I’ve always been a perfectionist. Back when I was a few years younger, and totally naive, I had imagined myself as a mother. I was going to be that perfect Pinterest mom. The one that made my own baby food, created beautiful crafts with the hands and feet of my kids, had a home cooked dinner on the table for my husband to come home to every night, and kept a tidy house that I was proud to live in… all while looking cute in my size 2 jeans and xs tops. Wishful thinking right? Here I was on the couch, in sweats, leaking milk everywhere, sobbing because not only was the house a mess, but I made my husband pick up take out on the way home AGAIN. Oh and I forgot to mention the exhaustion factor. You know that old saying that goes ‘the first is a good sleeper to make you want another’ or something like that? Truth. My first was a great sleeper. My second… well let’s just say he enjoyed a good night time party. So add the exhaustion factor to the disappointment in myself and you get a glimpse of what I’m talking about. 

And then my husband looked at me and said the most profound thing… 

“How about if you just be a mom and keep the kids alive during the day?”

Wait. What?!

What about the house? “We can clean together when I get home from work.” What about the laundry? “That’s what weekends are for.” What about dinner? “It doesn’t matter if we have cereal or take out or sandwiches. Right now we have an infant and a toddler. Life is hard. We don’t need fancy food.” What?! 

RELIEF. 

So the next day, I went to work being a mom. I let go of the idea that I would do laundry and dishes and floor washing. And juggling the two under two mom thing was hard, but it was easier than trying to be the perfect mom and wife and house cleaner and chef and everything I was trying to be. I won’t lie, it was hard to let go of that image I had wanted for so long. But I was committed to not having a meltdown every night and this seemed like a good start. 

Over time, I lost the feeling of relief and started to get that panic feeling again. So I decided to try something new. I gave myself one goal each day. This goal could be something as simple as loading the dishwasher or putting a load of clothes away. But having one goal and all day to complete it made it feel realistic and less overwhelming. Some days I waited until my husband got home. Some days I was able to get it done if both kids were sleeping at the same time for 20 minutes. But before I went to bed each night I made sure my one goal was completed and that gave me a feeling of accomplishment for the day. There were some days that I got more than one thing done. There were days when I made dinner in addition to my goal of doing a load of laundry or washing the toilet or paying the bills or dusting the living room. And those days felt great. But if I didn’t get to do other chores or make dinner, at least I was able to get that one goal checked off for the day. Plus my kids were fed, played with, read to and snuggled. And I didn’t feel like a failure.

We now have 3 kids. The oldest is 6 and the youngest is 3. I’d be lying if I said it was easy getting through the days. But I still give myself only one thing to do each day in addition to being a mom. Today my goal was to fold and put away the laundry that was in the dryer. I have yet to do that. But as soon as the kids are down, I will get that goal accomplished. My husband called a little while ago. It had been my plan to make dinner. But the little guy hasn’t exactly given me the time I needed to start it. “I’ll pick up food on my way home. It’s New Year’s Eve anyway, who wants to cook?” That’s my husbands way of making me feel better about not cooking. And I don’t feel terrible about myself if I do have him pick something up. But the very fragile former me would have beaten myself up about it for the next week.  

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you extra hard on yourself? Try the one goal each day challenge. Sometimes I find it easier to make a list at the beginning of the week and pick one thing off the list each day. Other times I just think of something one day at a time. Find a method that works for you and go for it! And when you complete your goal each day, pat yourself on the back and know that you’re doing your best.