This picture was taken right around the time I was at my rock bottom. I was absolutely drowning. My husband took me away for a weekend for my birthday. I was completely filled with guilt the entire time for leaving my kids to have some time for myself. But I also knew I was at my worst and needed to do something. This was the start of my husband and I really taking the necessary steps to get me better. Because the healthcare system had failed me.
1. Lack of Prior Education
Before giving birth, I received zero information on postpartum depression and anxiety. I didn’t even know it was a thing. When I started feeling the debilitating anxiety after my first son was born, I chalked it up to being a new overprotective mom. My husband had no education either and tried helping me “get over” my fears of other people holding my baby by letting other people hold him and change him and feed him. It made me feel absolutely crazy. My intrusive thoughts gave my mind no rest and it was exhausting. I had no idea what was happening to me. After my second and third sons were born, my postpartum anxiety turned to postpartum depression. Again, I had no idea what was happening to me. And neither did my husband. I was a pile of mush with no idea of what was going on or how to help myself. I felt ashamed of myself and I didn’t want my husband to feel like I was a burden, so I just tried to suppress it until I couldn’t anymore.
2. Lack of Check-in After Discharge.
The hospital called me the day after we got home from the hospital to “check-in.” That was it. No further education on signs of postpartum depression or anxiety. No check in until my 6 week visit with my OBGYN. I feel like we need someone to check in on the mother in the weeks leading up to the 6 week visit. Actually, I feel like new moms should be required to go to a day program for a few hours just to make sure they are coping okay. And if not, they continue with the program. If they are doing well, then they don’t continue the program. We could prevent so many further issues with better care.
3. Lack of In-depth Screening.
I’m all for a great screening tool. But the one they provide at your 6 week follow up visit is laughable. If you’re like me, you want to look perfect on paper, so you answer every question exactly the way you’re “supposed to.” I’m sorry, but anyone can make themselves look perfectly fine on paper. Who WANTS to admit they are having difficulty making it through a day without breaking down and feeling an overwhelming amount of dread? Not me. I’m perfect (wink wink). We need better screening tools. Far too many new moms slip through the cracks because they don’t want to admit that they feel completely inadequate or ill-equipped or like an utter failure. No mom wants to be judged as incapable.
4. Lack of Mental Health Professional Availability.
I think my doctor could see through my smile and lies after my second son was born (that’s when the postpartum depression started). PPD hit me hard and hit me fast. She referred me to a therapist specializing in PPD and as much as I was completely against going (because I was fine.. wink), I did go twice. My therapist was perfectly nice but was not ready to unpack the load I was about to put on her. During our second session, she told me that she thought I had issues way beyond PPD and should probably see someone else that could help me navigate that… but no one else in the practice was taking new patients. Cool. What now? It took me a few months to find someone else. This person was qualified to address my pre-baby issues, but had no experience in postpartum issues. I saw that therapist for a little while and then stopped going. Where are all the mental health professionals that can address both? I feel like some issues don’t really surface until you have a baby. Unfortunately therapists that address both are few and far between (and probably not accepting new patients).
5. Pushing Breastfeeding.
Look, I get it. Breast milk is the most amazing thing in the world. But breastfeeding is not always easy or even possible for some new moms. For me, I tried several times, but I was a super over producer (like 16-20oz per pump session) which resulted in fast let downs which ended up choking my babies. But because breast milk was pushed, I ended up exclusively pumping. Like many pumping moms, I ended up with the DMER reflex which caused me to experience an overwhelming amount of dread, anxiety, and depression every time the pump turned on. This was super unhelpful for my mental health. But because I wanted what was best for my babies, I disregarded what was best for myself and let myself fall into a deeper and deeper depression. When my third son was 6 weeks old, my husband and I noticed that our deep freezer where I had been storing all of my extra breast milk was unplugged. All of my milk was bad and had to be thrown away (I was such an over producer that I could save enough for MONTHS before needing it. I sobbed for days. And then my husband convinced me to stop pumping and switch to formula…for my own mental health. But I still carried the perceived judgment of others for not breastfeeding, even though at that time, my need for mental health outweighed his need for breastmilk. Fed is best is my motto. Do what works best for you and your baby together as a team.
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This was so unbelievably well written and spot on. Thank you for sharing!