Changing my perspective.

Today I heard “you kids don’t know how lucky you are” and I couldn’t help but think that I’m the lucky one. 

 

How lucky am I to have these kids that thrive being outside, finding new adventures? How lucky am I to have a husband that is always ready to pack us up and get us out? Just last week we were at the beach for our weekly beach night and I mentioned that we should probably slow down a bit. And he looked at me and reminded me that in just a few months, it’s going to be freezing, and I’ll be longing for these nights. He’s right. He usually is. (Don’t tell him). 

 

Spontaneity was not always in my vocabulary. Just a few years ago, well really, even a few months ago, I was so wrapped up in my ppd/ppa that veering off the schedule was crippling. I could never imagine just going to the beach on a whim. If I’m being honest, leaving the house was nearly debilitating. Skipping naps was unheard of and bedtimes were nonnegotiable. Weekends required at least one home day because I had to get myself together and clean up the house and make sure the laundry was done and make sure we were eating well balanced home cooked meals. I’m well aware that my own demons were holding us back from giving these kids the life they deserve. 

 

Since officially being in recovery (which is still a process and a struggle), I can now say that it feels much less scary to pick up and just go. To say yes when someone says “let’s do this,” to feel content with leaving the house the way it is and the laundry for another day, to grab whatever we have in the fridge for meals and pick up pizza on the way. It’s a different lifestyle and it’s not for everyone. But it’s a feeling of freedom I don’t think I’ve ever experienced. 

 

I’m lucky that I have a doctor that worked with me to find the right medication for me. I’m lucky that my kids are the adventure seeking, outdoor loving kids they are. I’m even luckier that I found a man who has supported me in finding the help I needed to get to this point. I fully realize that not everyone has these things. I know I’m lucky. The gratitude I feel is beyond measure.   

Don’t get me wrong, packing a bag to go wherever we go is still paralyzing. I literally cannot get myself to pack a bag. I completely shut down. Maybe it’s fear that I’ll forget something. Maybe it’s feeling like I’ll overpack and weigh us down. I honestly don’t know. But the strategy that has been working best for us is my husband telling me a few specific things to get together and then he’s the one that packs the bags. It makes me feel so much better. And it helps us get out faster. 

 

Do you struggle with ppd/ppa? How are you helping yourself? 

 

Do you have any strategies that help you to be more efficient?